Sunday, January 24, 2016

Third week of 2016


I missed last week.  Sorry.

Not a lot has been happening around here.  My wheels have been spinning a lot.

For one thing the Winter Curse continues.  We still haven't been fully paid.  Sure, his bosses have been giving us a few hundred here and there but they haven't caught up.  We've been managing groceries and bills but rent is still an issue.  Saving every dime is our current mantra.  Not a bad thing, a little frugality never hurt anyone, but it make it impossible to plan to work for a goal if you're not certain if the goal will be there when you get there.

To that end I have re-jiggered my project list to tap the stash more.  That and I realized that we really need a lap blanket in the car.  Skirts all the time (capris for the gym) + winter weather + arthritis = miserable knees.  So I am making a stained glass lap blanket.  Take all the scraps of mostly Red Heart Classic you have and knit small versions of Granny's Dishcloth.



Pick a needle size that makes a fabric you like.

CO 3

K 1 row

*K 1, K 1LRinc, K to end of row*

Repeat from * until you have 4 inches on a side

K 1 row

*K 1, K2tog, K to end of row*

Repeat from * until you have 3 sts on needle

K 1, K2tog, psso

Fasten off.





The end result looks like this



The plan is to do a row of single crochet all around in black, then fasten the squares together through the back, which makes a neat edge.  Multiply by a lot for a lap blanket for the car, Red Heart wears like iron and is machine washable and is cheap, so the perfect project right now.




Also, LRinc:


Works really well with my wonky Arabian knitting style.  Nearly invisible in garter stitch.



The other big distraction for these two weeks has been dieting.

I am a big woman, still. Somewhere on this blog I have progress pictures, I have lost 100 lbs in the past few years, so I know it can be done.  I gained back 20, or so I thought, when I went in to have my knee looked at the first time.  I did not, and do not, want to be one of those failed stories and I do need to get the weight off my knee somehow.  So I cut back to 2000 calories, 200 under my BEE, and started weighing everything.  A week later I had lost 10 lbs, because water is a thing.  But it's also an encouraging thing, so for the past two weeks I've kept it up and returned to the gym.

End result?

Constant physical hunger,  Not emotional eating, not I'm bored eating, I mean physical hunger so hard that eating raw onions was seriously tempting, and at one point happened.  Physical pain that for 2-3 hours a day blotted out everything else.  All I could do was sit and wait to eat again.

Utter distraction.  I couldn't focus on anything else but this.  I couldn't talk about anything else but this.  This overwhelmed everything.

Going to the gym on my husband schedule sucked six hours out of my day.  Six.  He's baffled by that because "we're only at the gym for 3 hours", but then I have to wait for him to finish his more elaborate snack and drink his coffee and get in the shower, and then I need my shower, and by the time all that's done there's another 3 hours gone and then it's lunchtime.  So my productive day is reduced from 11 hours to 6 hours, which is a huge cut.

Oh yeah, and between the constant pain, the lack of energy, and feeling powerless because I have no control over my house right now, I have not exactly been either dominant or horny for weeks.  Not good for the marriage.

I will grant that my BG numbers have been excellent, so in theory my body has been getting what it needs.  But I have been miserable.

End result:  I gained 2 lbs.

Conventional wisdom would say that I should double and re-double down.  Cut to 1800 calories.  No 1200.  No, 1000.  No 800!  Spend even more time at the gym.  More cardio, more reps, more more more!

And it's true.  They say that you should just eat a "healthy" diet and walk 30 min a day, but you read the forums where, let's face it, skinny people gather and they're all eating 800-1000 kcal/day. working out 2-3 hours and smoking either tobacco, pot or both.  And they feel so stuffed.  They have to force themselves to eat up to their total.  Some days they don't eat because they're still full from yesterday.

Granted there are others out there who truly do stuff themselves on junk food, eat vast quantities of crap day in and day out, and their bodies just rot out from under them.  I've seen them at the stores and it's terrible.  And CICO does work, it's working quite well for the husband.  He works out 3 hours a day, eats 1800 kcal, and is slowly but steadily losing.  And he's not hungry, he has ample energy and is fine.

It's just not working for me.  It might be because I have PCOS and that changes the cues your body receives to tell it when it's hungry or satisfied.  It could be because I have a high ACE score and that changes how your body reacts to stress, and dieting is a stress.  It could be lipodema.  It could be a lot of things, I'll have to keep working with my doctor to find out what's going on.

All I know is that I have to live this life.  I could make myself miserable to prove something to them, the great them out there, to be able to say that yes, I lived on 1200 kcal or less and I worked out 4 hours a day and I endured being sick and miserable and useless for days on end.  Either it would work, in which case they would say I should keep doing it forever because it's worth it, or it wouldn't in which case they would call me a liar.

Or, you know, I could just live healthy and let the chips fall.

Granted there is the whole pain in my knees thing.  That is something I am going to have to work out moving forward.  I might end up going for a DEXA scan sooner so I know exactly what I'm dealing with.  

But for now I plan to live a healthy diet.  I've found that 350 kcal over my BEE tends to be the minimum that leaves me with ample energy and some, but minimal hunger pangs (you should be hungry 20 minutes before a meal, not 2 hours, and not 20 after you finished one).  I plan to continue to eat a minimally processed diet of whole grains, fruits, vegetables and lean meats.  I plan to continue to eat a low-carb, high protein diet because that tends to keep my hormones balanced without the need for medication.  I plan to allow myself 2-3 cheat days a month.  And I plan to walk 30 minutes a day, as my knees allow.  And I will revisit in 3 months and see where I am.

I'm still done with being fat.  But I'm even more done with being this miserable.



In the meantime, because of all of this, not a damn thing has been done.  I've barely written anything, I haven't been reading. and projects are going insanely slowly.  So I plan to take this week and catch up on the rest of my life.

Musical inspiration for the week:




Yes, it's Christmas music, but it's Windham Hill.  Which is just the thing when you are either hung over from the taco you ate at the party last night (2 of those cheat days are play parties, just to make it easy), or you're coming down with something.

If I am on top of everything I am going to bed until the spring.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

First week of 2016


So the first week out has not been as productive as I hoped.  But given what's happened I cannot complain.

Let's see:

This


plus this



plus this


equals this


In other words shark week plus going off the hormones in little brown bottles, which I have to do every three months, plus a cortisol shot to the knee equals a week where very little gets done.  I do not focus well when I'm on my period, I do not focus well when I'm off progesterone and I do not focus well when I'm anywhere near a steroid.  I spent much of this past week reading Reddit.

Thankfully that seems to be passing.

On the plus side I've decided I'm finally done with being fat.  I always said that when I was ready I would do this.  I'm finally ready, not just to start working out but to start dieting in earnest.  I cut down to 2000 calories this week, because if you're going to feel like shit you might as well get it all over with at the same time, and promptly lost 11 pounds.  I know, I know, a lot of that is water but my knees don't give a fuck.  That's 44 less pounds of pressure they have to deal with, which is what matters.

I guess having a needle pop off the back of your kneecap is kind of a wake-up call.

Speaking of the shot, it wasn't that bad.  Didn't really hurt except when he literally hit the back of my patella, that hurt like a bitch.  Threw my blood sugar off, which was expected, but only for about 12-14 hours and it only went up to 215, which is not horribly horrible.  Left me crazy thirsty for the week, but more water is just not a bad thing.  And my knee is about 90% better.  Not back to pan free perfect but quite tolerable.  I do have arthritis after all, they will never be perfect again, but I can live with this.  And my left knee is responding well to the Celebrex, it might not need a shot.

That said, I am avoiding leg day until I have my knees gone over by an orthopod.

Speaking of the gym I am taking one more week off, just to let everything heal, and then trying to go back.  Spinning, so as not to put pressure on said knees, and HIIT using upper body machines so as not to have to try to stand and balance weights and perhaps walking in the pool.  When I am cleared by said orthopod, perhaps with Sinvisc on board, and have braces for my knees I'll go back to serious riding and kettlebells.  One step at the time.  But I am looking forward to going back.

I did manage to finish a few things this week.




Sideways Bobble Hat done in Lion Brand Homespun in Blue Mist on size 10.5 needles.  Crochet cast on, three needle bind off and only five wedges because my gauge was ridiculous.  But I did it in five days, if I was more dedicated/focused it could be done in a day.  It's likely as close to an instant hat as it gets.

Also this


Kitty Cat Tea Cozy, which is based on the Wake Me Up Tea Cozy.  Done in Red Heart Classic in mulberry blend.  It was supposed to have that kind of gathered top but I didn't make it tall enough so I was just going to seam it across.  Then the husband saw it and said "It kind of looks like a cat" and I had to add the details.  It suits him, he is the fabulous purple Dungeon Kitty after all.

Yes, you pour tea out of the cat's nose.  Hush.

I also finished In The Heart Of The Sea this week.  It's quite good if you like stories of historical disasters.  I love me some disaster books, so this was right up my alley.  Now I want to go see the movie:



Next up is Dune by Frank Herbert/

I haven't written jack this week.  I have lots in my head but I haven't been able to focus.  I might just catch up today, or I might catch up with my sewing. 



Slowly but surely on that one.

Speaking of writing I've been nominated for the 2015 Profiler's Choice Awards, which means nothing unless you're really in to CM fan fiction.  But I was nominated in four different categories.  I'm honored.  And flattered.  It's kind of cool.

OK, musical inspiration for the week.



Yes, it's country.  It's not even "good" country, it's horribly poppy country.  But it's making me think of wearing snug jeans and boots and perhaps being able to show off a tight waist and go dancing.  Which is inspiring right now, so you can all just hush.

That's it for this week everyone.  Later.




Sunday, January 3, 2016

Plans for the year


I try to do this every year, and every year I am stymied by the Winter Curse.  I even tried rebooting this in late 2015 and the curse promptly caught me.  This year I am making tentative plans, both what firm ones I can and some ideal ones which might not work for reasons beyond my control.  I will do my best but no promises.






Books to read

I'd like to say I'll read 52 books in 52 weeks, but I have tried that and I tend to get distracted by writing and so stop reading anything too serious.  I also like to say I'll read all the classics but in truth my ability to focus has been hampered by too much internet time over the years and many of the classics are not difficult to plow through.  But I can make these commitments:

Read 60 minutes a day

Read these books:

  • In The Heart Of The Sea by Nathaniel Philbrick
  • Dracula by Bram Stoker
  • The Mitford Series by Jan Karon (13 books)
  • The All Creatures series by James Herriot (5 books)
  • The Anne of Green Gables series by LM Montgomery (original 6 books)
  • The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
  • Sherlock Holmes stories by Arthur Conan Doyle
  • Emma by Jane Austen
  • Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
  • Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
  • The Awakening by Kate Chopin
  • A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain
  • Lady Chatterley's Lover by DH Lawrence
  • Les Liasons Dangereux by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos
  • Lake Woebegon Boy by Garrison Keilor
  • Liberty by Garrison Keilor
  • Dune by Frank Herbert
  • Odd Thomans series by Dean Koonts (7 books)


Total - 45 books

On the one hand some of these are kind of cheating because I've already read them,  But I do enjoy re-reading them and gain some new insight every time.  On the other hand I only have to buy 16 of them, all the rest are either open source or already in my library.  My hope is that I can get around the Winter Curse that way.  Hopefully.




Projects

Embroidery:

Finish my stocking, of course.  Then make up two darling little cat pictures I've carried around for decades.  After that make up my wedding sampler.  Honestly that should take most of the year but if I end up with time left over and money I'll start in on my holiday gingerbread village.  If not I'll start in on the hens to hang in the dining room.  I have nearly all of it except fabric for the wedding sampler and the hens, which is quite reasonably priced.

Sewing/quilting:

Finish the Geeks Tea Quilt, which might be broken down into easier to hang chunks.  After that it's the charm quilt for our bed.  The Fucking Quilt needs mending, but it's also falling apart and it is a family heirloom at this point so I'd like to be able to put another one on the bed after this year.  Granted it seems silly to keep the Fucking Quilt and the Flag Quilt when we're not using them but I have hopes of a house where the Flag Quilt can go in a guest room and perhaps the Fucking Quilt can be displayed in our bedroom somewhere.

Knitting:

Stashbusting continues.  I currently have a hat on the needles, which should work up quickly, and a scarf to match a set of mitts. After that I'm making a buff for winter riding, which I will do one way or the other.  Then my mittens finally.  I have the stuff for three lace scarves to work on over the summer.  And I want to finish my Pride Afghan.  I have the yarn for everything but the Pride Afghan and the patters for most of it all but patters and acrylic yarn are all fairly cheap, so I can acquire those as I go.




Health:

Like it or not, to save my knees the weight has to come off.  I'm going to go whole hog in a week or so and get myself down to 2100 kcal/day.  Given that, according to the all hallowed Fitbit I burn 3100 a day that ought to give me a 7000 a week deficit, or two pounds without even going to the gym.  If I can get to the gym all the better, That should, at a minimum, get 100 lbs off my knees by the end of the year, which would be awesome.  At this point everything else is secondary to that.




Politics, religion and blogging

This will be the year I blog my way through the bible.  My goal is one political or religious post a week, and one update post a week.




Writing:

I intend to finish all my outstanding stories this year, hopefully by publishing one chapter a week on them.  The First Run and Percival's Dominatrix are all long form, I hereby commit to only one other story open at a time other than those two.






 So those are my goals for the year.  I'm not adding anything about education at this time because I've come to realize that there are only so many hours in a day and what is on this list is taking priority.  If I can get this to work I might add more later, we will see.

Right now I have a parade to watch and knitting to do.  Peace out.





Saturday, January 2, 2016

...and there went December


The Winter Curse is well and truly upon us.  As happens every December/January we've had payroll interruptions, sickness and now injury.  My tests came back as severe osteoarthritis with an out of alignment patella and multiple large bone spurs.  I want to believe that poor medical care back when I was a child/young adult caused this, which is entirely possible, but my size has certainly not helped at all.  The single best treatment is weight loss, which I am now seriously working on.  The holidays are over.  But in the short-term I get to start cortisol shots come Tuesday, of which I will only have one in each knee, ever.  Apparently the potential for the horrific side effects older people whisper about go up with each round you have.  In the past it has not been unusual to have them monthly, but now there are other options.  It also helps if you get off your ass, work out and really lose the weight once you get the first one.  So I plan to have one in each knee, or at least my right which is horrible right now, and then a round of Synvisc, artificial synovial fluid, which will help protect them for up to two years, and then a brace for my left knee at least, which is the one out of alignment, and then back to the gym.  All of which, save the cortisol, will happen as soon as we get paid.  I have high hopes.

In the meantime something resembling the holidays happened.  Once again it was not what we hoped for thanks to the Winter Curse and my family.  But this year Himself got fed up with it all.  He's taken on a second job just to save up for the 2016 holidays.  Next year we will sign up for all the card exchanges and we will exchange gifts and we will have a merry feast and we will go to the nearby tourist towns to see the decorations, even if I need a wheelchair to walk that far.  We will even embrace the Icelandic tradition of books on Christmas Eve, because we need more tradition in this family and it sounds wonderful.  He is entirely determined.  I think this is the first year he really realized how miserable our holidays are because for the past ten he's worked on the holiday.  Or perhaps he just realized that our last decent holiday was ten years ago.  Either way, I am utterly tickled.  In the meantime I am leaving the tree up for another two weeks just in case we can finish our holiday season.  Also because his back is out and my knees are out and neither of us can get the boxes down to put the tree away.  If it goes past the 15th I will put out the kink signal and see if we can get help in exchange for pizza.

Insert picture of tree here when he emails it to me.

In the meantime gifts happened.  Himself received a pair of socks for the dungeon, in purple of course.


I use Wendy's generic toe-up pattern, more or less, with a short-row heel.

He received a brace of doo-rags to wear to the gym.



Commercially they're geared toward bikers, with the sort of graphics you would expect, lots of Harley Davidson and camouflage and enemy flags and such.  He likes bright colors and cat prints and is a Brony more or less, so he picked most of these colors.  I picked the purple chevrons and red and black print for him and used Tommy's pattern

And the beasties got new beds.  Here are two sisters cuddled into one.


They were on sale for $5 each so we picked up a few,  One for each office, one for the living room and two for our bedroom,  We had an ulterior motive, they no longer sleep in our bed.  No more heavy rocks to try to sleep around at night.

My gifts are waiting for payday, 

 We watched holiday specials to celebrate as we could.  There's a lot more to appreciate about the Grinch when you're older, and you really listen to it.  But Charlie Brown left us both cold.  He is miserable at Christmas not because of commercialism but because he's bullied horribly by all his "friends".  We were both horrified when we realized what they were really saying to him.  And really, reciting the Gospel doesn't help at all.  Here's to hoping Charlie grew up, moved away, went NC with his entire home town, and ended up with a wonderful group of new friends who never called him a blockhead.  We also tried John Devner and the Muppets but Miss Piggy is the spitting image of my Nanny.  She always said Miss Piggy was her favorite muppet and she wanted to be just like her and she made it.  So now I can say that I grew up just like Charlie Brown, called a loser and a blockhead by everyone I knew, and I lived with Miss Piggy.  Think on that a bit.  But I did move away and I do have wonderful friends now.  We had a holiday party at the Dungeon and then New Years Eve at the home of friends where we ate too much and played Cards Against Humanity until midnight and had a wonderful time.

And that was December.

Now on to the new year.