Holiday Knitting, Round 2

 Made things, with bonus cat and bonus finger

So to catch up...

I finished two hats, the red one for my BIL, the blue one for my MIL.  The grey pile in the basket is for my FIL.  I'm not making scarves, they asked for aprons.  Everything is on track.  I finished the pillow because new(ish) couch needed more pillows.  The warm colors fit the aesthetic we're going for.  Traditional Eclectic is the compromise we settled on.  What doesn't fit the living room right now is my Cottagecore corner, but in the new year I'm going to switch that over and move my Cottage-ness to the sewing room/my new office.  After mumble mumble years in this space I want it to both look like an actual place and not a jumble and have my own space without compromise.  I'm old and growing cranky in it.

My hockey team is not doing well,  sigh

I'm in an odd space of the year right now.  We're Pagan, so we don't celebrate the usual holidays, more or less.  I like to call myself a Pagan in the Episcopal tradition, meaning I don't celebrate the usual but when I do it tends to be very traditional and kind of New England preppy.  It's the same stuff, mostly, just on a different day.  To that end we no longer do Thanksgiving, because when you really look at it it's a shit holiday from the 1940's that celebrates gratitude for what turned out to be genocide, so you know, no.  We've decided to merge it with the Yule holiday, aka the Winter Solstice/longest night of the year/Pagan Christmas more or less.  The turkey is still in the freezer along with the cranberries.  We'll have our feast then, and give proper thanks for the end of the year.  I know the Pagan calendar says that Samhain aka Halloween, is the proper end of the year, but we're not even done harvesting here by then.  So maybe in Britain but not in Oregon.  Yule fits.

Which means for us "Thanksgiving" is really Parade Day, because I stop the world to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the same as I used to with my Grandmother.  After that we spend the weekend putting the garden to bed.  There's a pile of sprinkler bits I get to sort over the next few days, and the frost cloth is over the flowers.  Over the next few weeks I'll slowly turn the house over toward Yule, baking and decorating and shopping.  And then the Yule season starts with Yule itself, then Book Night where we exchange, well, books.  Then Christmas even and Die Hard (yes, it's a Christmas movie) and then Christmas with A Boy Called Christmas and then all the traditional things you would expect from the Christmas Season, only in January, the darkest part of the year, leading up to Imbolc/Candlemas on February 1st, when we actually exchange gifts.  This keeps all the lights/colors/magic around longer and through the gray, depressing bits.

And as part of updating the house I will be updating the blog.  Stay tuned.  

Holiday Knitting, round 1

 

So I'm making hats (and maybe scarves, if I'm arsed enough) for the in-laws for Christmas.  I made them slippers last year, didn't know what to make them, and they live in the Rockies so can you really have too many winter hats?  I decided to go with bulky yarn to get it over with in plenty of time.  I was going to go with wool, looked at the budget, realized that they don't know how to care for wool, really, and so here we are with the Caron.

I started with the pattern Snow Day by Jerry Burch, casting on from the bottom in the round on two circs.  After a few rounds I decided the space between the needles was way too large and ungainly, so decided to try again.  Version two was the same pattern top down, where I immediately screwed up the increases.  Version three was a crochet cast on from the middle, which ran into the same problem as version 1 with the added attraction of crochet casting on 72 damn stitches.  There had to be a better way.

Enter the Sideways Hat by Wooly Wormhead, only 32 crochet cast on, and no weird long bits at the corners.  So far, so good.  I'm even on gauge.

When I found the pattern in Ravelry it told me I had done this hat nine times before.  Nine.  This meant that nine times I tried to knit a hat in the round and gave up.  

I've learned two things here:

1)  I don't like knitting acrylic in the round.  Or bulky yarn.  Or maybe hats.  I do knit mitts and socks in the round, but for both of those I use wool.  I've also knit mittens in acrylic in the round.  So it's either the bulky or the hat bit.  Whatever, I don't like it.

2)  I tend not to learn from my mistakes.

Summer Knitting

 

So, those were my summer knitting projects from 2023.

The one on the right is a very basic garter stitch scarf, done in KnitPicks Felici worsted, in the colorway Bookshop.  Two balls, some likely number of stitches cast on, knit in front of the TV while avoiding the hot, smoky outdoors for two months.

The one on the left is Red Heart Soft, I think, in something navy-ish, with stripes in some white holiday yarn from Mary Maxim.  It has a subtle sparkle to it.  That was the one I worked on mostly while in the park having finished my PT/walk and waiting for my wife to finish hers.  The story is that a couple of years back, somewhere around the intersection of Trump and Covid, she said I needed to find something else to talk about over the dinner table because it was getting depressing.

Enter the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Mistake on her part.

I decided to follow the Leafs because while I was considering hockey I found pictures of someone from their rookie year that hit me right in the muse spot and even though it was years ago I'm loyal to my muses.  (So long as the writers don't screw the whole thing up.)  Also, I'm a sadist who likes watching an entire arena of grown men cry.

And then we started walking on the regular to keep up our combined mobility, and my big sun hats were hard to manage so I decided I needed a smaller baseball cap and she suggested the Leafs and then I made a scarf to match.

I have no clue which uniform it's supposed to match.  Don't care.  I look better in darker colors so I went with the navy.

I have the wool to make matching fingerless mitts, but I'm not going to start them until someone get off the stick and signs his bloody contract.

Ahem

So there is that.  Now I'm going to go work on my next project and see if Matthews can get three hat tricks in a row.  Wish the team luck.

A note on representation

 

Photo:  iStock

A note on characters and representation in my current story, because it’s come up a few times in

comments before and we’re hitting original characters.

I’ve mentally broken this story down into three different groups.  There’s the characters from

Downton, the original characters in 1912, and original characters from another time point at the

end, which I won’t give away because <<spoilers>>.

With the characters from Downton I’m stuck with what I have.  That’s part of the fun of writing fan

fiction, at least it is for me.  You have to write within the constraints given you.  I find it an enjoyable

challenge.  Given that it’s a period drama everyone is very white, which fits the place and time.  

Skipping to the characters from another time point I’ve chosen to make them all as diverse as I

logically can to provide some balance.  The one exception being a character based on a real life

person.  Not going into who because <<spoilers>>. 

As for the original characters from 1912 I’ve described three, Lady Sintra, Lt. Demaria and one other

later in the story. One is the actor I've deliberately cast to better hear their voice in my head, oneis the actor I’ve deliberately cast to better hear their voice in my head, one is related to them, and

Lady Sintra is related to a character from a yet unpublished story.  I deliberately tried not to describe

the others so they could be mentally “cast” using actors of any background.  It’s called non-traditional

or color-blind casting and it’s the best way I could find to balance the books, given that I think you

should write what you know best and what I know is sci-fi.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Color-blind_casting

So to that end, if you want a face to go with the one specific character I’m casting Amy Beth

McNulty from the 3rd season of Anne with an E as Lt. Kira Demaria.

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/anneofgreengables/images/b/bc/2017_S3_

PosterNetflix.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20191126184155

And Lady Sintra is a blue-eyed blond due to having William Mosely cast as a some number of greats

grandson.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/65/William_Moseley_2015_TCA_

Press_Tour_%28cropped%29.jpg/330px-William_Moseley_2015_TCA_Press_Tour_%28cropped%29.jpg

Everyone else is open. 

—-----

What about LGBTQ+ representation?

Oh.  So.  Much.

Downtown we know.  Thomas is gay, everyone else is straight.

That one character based on a real person?  In an interview she referred to her partner as male, but

she’s at work so it doesn’t come up.

The other three set in another time?  Also at work, it doesn’t come up.

Out of the remaining good sized group, one straight couple, one apparently straight couple but they’re

both bi, 1.5 gay couples*, one lesbian couple and the rest are bi or pan or gay/lesbian and single. 

Yes, all of them.  Every last one.  Pan means something somewhat different in their culture, but it’s

close.  And yes, there is a trans character.

Aldara is a very rainbow sort of <<spoilers>>.

*The other .5 is Thomas.  I didn’t create him.

The Growing Seasons books series

 

So ever since the start of the Pandemic I have been super into all things warm and cozy.  I've completed a nearly handmade gallery wall, done more than my share of knitting, and will likely be done with a crocheted afghan by Christmas.  And that's on top of the baking, cooking, gardening....you get the idea.  

If you want cozy the Growing Seasons series is for you.  This series has been a big inspiration for all that.  Melinda Foster is a not-quite middle aged woman who loses her job and her cat, sadly, in short order, and then had the chance to move home to help with the family business.  Home is in the coziest small town, and she rents a farm and...

No more spoilers.  Total low stakes cozy.  Think Legends and Lattes, but set in the current world with a country music soundtrack.  If you want a series of books that are, perhaps not the best written, but are as cozy as a quilt on a cold night then these are the books for you.

Now I'm going to once again go tell my wife that we don't have the spoons between us to raise sheep.

Back. Kinda.

Image by SerpantMistress on DeviantArt.

So the last time I posted was literally right before the pandemic.  Literally.

Honestly the pandemic was good for me.  Kitty got to work from home, which did wonders for our bottom line, and our marriage.  Our friend group bonded in new and wonderful ways.  My physical and mental health improved.  I even found a new muse or two.

What I haven't been doing much is writing.  Hard when you share an office.

She went back to the office six weeks ago.  So I'm back.

I'll be updating all the sidebars tomorrow, or thereabouts.

So true

So where did the year go anyway?

I have no idea.

At this point I don't recall the spring at all.  The summer went up in a whole lot of smoke and staying indoors.  An in the fall we lost the car (again) so I've been staying home more than usual.

Christmas, however, has been entirely awesome.

We kept it very low key and focused on the traditions that really mattered.  Okay, I couldn't go out and Do All The Things, but that turned out okay, I didn't have All The Anxiety to go with it.  No car sickness, no stress, no nothing.  We watched all sorts of holiday movies (yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie), baked a ton of cookies (health be dammed) and had actually gifts under the tree (I got a Kindle!!!).

Giving Kitty her gifts was the best part (it was awesome!!). I've come to accept that one of my Love Languages is giving and receiving gifts, so being able to put stuff under the tree meant a lot.  So did finally finding copies of my Grandmother's old cookie recipes online.  Suck it Nanny, I bake the good stuff now. 

So yea, it's been a cozy, stress free, awesome holiday at last.  I've loved every minute of it.  And as far as I'm concerned the "season" is still going.  It's a thing until the Saturday closest to the 15th.  There will be more movies, more egg nog and more cookies.  Life is good.

And I think that pretty much sums up how I've been feeling the past few months.  Life is good.  I'm feeling okay. Kitty finished school, finally. We found a dentist we can work with.  The pantry is full.  Yeah, it's okay,

But with all of this okay-ness, remarkably little got done this year in the way of making stuff.  I finished a few pillows, that's all.  And I never even took pictures.  Go me.

That is going to change this year.

I mean it this time.

More to come.

Agency

Sometimes agency is a problem.

Definition of agency

plural agencies

1 a : the office or function of an agent (see agent 4)

b : the relationship between a principal and that person's agent

2 : the capacity, condition, or state of acting or of exerting power : operation

3 : a person or thing through which power is exerted or an end is achieved : instrumentality

• communicated through the agency of the ambassador

4 : an establishment engaged in doing business for another

• an advertising agency

5 : an administrative division (as of a government)

• the agency for consumer protection

In my case I refer specifically to the agency of getting out of the house and doing stuff.  This issue can be broken down into three parts.

1)  I don't drive.

Now I can drive.  As a Californio I have driven quite a bit in my life.  I started driving in college, when a former cop friend taught me how.  He was calm and patient and talk me some tricks to get around my monocular vision and enormous blind spot.  Back then I would easily kick off 400 miles in a week-end, no problem.  Put some Old White Guy* music in,  pop open a Jolt cola and off I go.

But when I moved back home the Reign of Driving Terror began.  I went through four cars in twelve years, all but the last bought from my family, all of which at best received no care or maintenance over their lifetimes.  They died of something-or-other every other month, nickle and dime-ing me while I was trying to start my career, until the first three were sabotaged.  I think they were actively trying to kill me a few times there.  So figure an "accident" every two months, the car dying in the middle of an intersection or getting bullied in a repair shop** and three major accidents.

And for some reason the cops in my hometown loved to pull me over. They rarely gave me a ticket but I was pulled over for warnings at least once a month, and a few times a week one followed me closely from one end of town to the other.

I also had my tags stolen on a regular basis.  Another good reason to get pulled over.  Just so I could show them my police report.  Over and over and over again.

Now I have driving anxiety so bad I can't even drive a mile to the grocery store.  Toward the end of my driving career I tended to dissociate while driving, I would have to pull over until I re-connected with reality long enough to drive safely.  I would literally black out behind the wheel.  I combated that by eating continuously while driving, the better to stay grounded.  Not healthy for the waistline.

So now I don't drive.

2)  Our car is dead

Even if I did drive our old Buick decided to kick it, more or less.  Something electrical again, it's randomly shutting down while moving.  Not good.  And given that it's 23 years old repairing it is going to be an expensive proposition.  So it's parked except for emergencies.

But we have a back-up plan.  I qualify for paratransport.  Paratransport is what they offer when you can't drive or get to the regular bus stop, which in my case is a mile away down busy roads with no sidewalks.  And with my knees*** walking is not going to happen.  If that's the case the bring the short bus to you.

3)  I can't use paratransport.

I get really bad motion sickness.  Maybe it's the monocular vision, maybe it's all the ear infections, maybe it's just me, but riding in a car does me in anymore.  On longer trips I try to sleep, but across the valley is bad.  Sometimes even across town gets to me.  To try to deal I use all the tricks, sit in front, eyes out the window, music to distract, aromatherapy, sip ginger ail, nibble crackers, the coldest air in my face that I can.  And I make it work, mostly.  I am usually very glad when the car stops but I make it work.

None of those tricks work on the short bus.

Sit in front?  No, that's where the wheelchairs go.  Those of us who can walk get the back.  Cold air?  Nope, little old ladies wear boiled wool jackets on 90 degree days.  AC is a dream.  And if you take your fan you have to carry it.  Aromatherapy?  Not allowed.  Eating?  Not allowed.  Drinking?  Not allowed.  Seeing out the windshield?  You sit above the driver, you can see the car in front, maybe.  Music?  The driver wants to talk.  Headphones are rude.

And it's not door-to-door.  It's some random, careening around the valley.  A ten minute drive can take an hour and a half, while they pick other people up and drop them off.  They tell you to leave two hours for a one way trip.

On the last trip I was so sick when I got home that I was shaking and green.  I spent an hour and a half in that hell to spend five minutes getting a new card.  And I have to wait 30 in their office to get a ride home.  I was so sick on the way back that even the driver noticed.  I staggered in to lay on my bed for  two solid hours before I could even manage water.

I've taken to calling it the Blender of Nausea, rattling around in the back of the short bus for hours of misery at a time.

Sooooo I am using my agency.

I am staying home until we either buy a new car or move somewhere where I can travel on my bike.  I am working on getting back up and down the Hill of Doom so I can at least go over for coffee, and I will pay for an Uber to get to a Drs appointment, but otherwise I'm staying home.

My power, my decision.  Nothing out there is worth being that sick

------

*  My students used to say I liked to listen to Old White Guys.  Bruce Hornsby,  James Taylor, Robbie Robertson, Kenny Loggins.  Also A Prairie Home Companion.  It made a great soundtrack for driving across California's Central Valley.

** After the time I went in for a new tire to one of my stepfather's gypsy friends and got screamed at, literally, because I had to have four, only to call the cops to get my car back and have my mother show up to yell at me for getting into this mess and insisting that I pay the exorbitant price, I stopped going to mechanics in my home town.  It turned out the tires he sold me for new were shitty retreads, but the next time I went to a mechanic in the barrio where I was teaching.  Brand new tires, half the price, and nothing but pleasant customer service the whole time.  I took my last car to exclusively barrio mechanics and it went five years without a problem until I sold it.

***  I have a small area of osteoarthritis in my left knee, and have for a while, but ever since I tried to change my HRT I've had swelling and pain in both knees.  It's a major mobility issue but I don't see my regular doctor until October so I'm stuck until then.

It's the beginning of the school year and...

...I have been thinking about school.

Not actual school.  Kinda.  Sorta.  Maybe.  If we're talking actual school, being a forty-something type with at least a functional bachelor's degree actual school would be either going back for bachelor #2 or a Master's in something or other.  And right now a)  we can only afford one person in school, b)  Kitty is one semester away from her first bachelor's and c)  a Master's is a good way for her to advance at work.  So for the next three years or so our education budget is going to her.

But I wasn't talking actual school anyway.  School looms right up there with Christmas and Wedding in the land of Shit I Regret And Blame My Family For, it tends to come around every so often and bug me for days on end.  I missed something there.  Something wasn't right.  Something did not work.  I skated through high school and college on a combination of excellent test taking skills, work experience and bullshit.  No, really, one time I accidentally wrote a Shakespearean essay about the romance novel I'd been reading the night before and I not only got an A the professor read it out loud as an example of an excellent essay form.  Because Sr. Rosine taught us the three paragraph essay form in the third grade and it makes everything look better, I don't know.

So something was not working then and now, with the distance of memory and lots and lots of therapy I know what it was.  I lacked study skills and I lacked time management skills.

First off, study skills.  As they say on this informative web site:

Students believe that studying and doing homework are the same thing. However, they should be approached as two very distinct, separate tasks. Homework commonly consists of assignments that instructors assign to be completed at home by students. The general purpose of homework assignments is to reinforce the knowledge that you learn in the classroom. These assignments allow for extra practice, so that you can refine your skills and knowledge in a particular area.

Studying, on the other hand, refers to the time students spend on their own to go over material they learned in class. Many students think of studying as what they do to prepare for an exam; however, it is best to set aside regular time to study to be sure you understand all the concepts you are learning in class so you do not fall behind. Studying includes making flashcards, taking detailed notes, making outlines, and reading.

Nobody ever told me any of that.  No, really, I learned that today.

Part of the problem is that I went to parochial school from K to 8, meaning right through junior high.   I know now that part of what we were supposed to do in junior high was transition from homework to studying but because my school was continuous and taught by untrained instructors chosen for their religious background they didn't know that and just had us doing homework.  And because no one in my family had ever been to college or even through a college prep program no one there knew either.  (Mom was on the trade school track in high school.  Cosmetology.  She learned to be a banker through on-the-job training.). And everyone in my high school figured someone else must have taught me somewhere along the line.

So everyone said to "study" and I had no clue.  I read the textbooks, attempted to take notes in class but never knew what to do with them, and faked it as best I could.  I skated.

As for time management, even if I had known how to study I wouldn't have had time.  I watched a YouTube video today of this really sweet girl in high school talking about her after school routine.

To sum up:

3:30-5:30 - Cross-country practice
5:30-6:30 - Snack, shower, rest, organize class notes
6:30-7:00 - Dinner
7:00-9:00 - Study
9:00-10:00 - Free time to pursue own interests
10:00 - Bed

I'm honestly kind of shocked.  My routine went something like this:

3:30-5:30 - Theater rehearsal
5:30-6:30 - Cook dinner
6:30 - 7:00 - Dinner
7:00 - 7:30 - Clean kitchen
7:30 - 8:00 - Help Grandfather with his mail and meds
8:00-11:00 - "Family Time"/watch TV (yes, we all had to watch TV together.)
11:00 - Bed

The reason why I didn't work at home was because my stepfather, Ex #2, did not allow reading in the house.  Reading was selfish and self-centered and useless, and just reminded him of his ex wife and was rubbing in his illiteracy.  So I did what I could at school and left my books there, for fear he would hit me for reading in front of him.  He did that to his other kids.  Even when I was in my room he'd shout down the heavens until Mom had me put my books away and come out.

So to keep him calm and placid we all sat in the living room for three hours a night and watched TV together.  No books, no knitting, no talking.  Just silently watching TV.

So if you figure five nights of work a week times two hours of studying that's 10 hours I didn't have to work with. Even if I had known what I was doing I still would have been behind.  But if I had known perhaps I wouldn't have been as behind.

So through the magic that is the internet maybe I'll get to actually learn how to study now.  Maybe I can figure out this take notes thing and read more.  Maybe I can prove to myself that I actually can do it.

And maybe in a few years I'll prove to myself that I can do college too.

Walkies

So there is a chance the apocalypse might not come off after all.

A welcome change in the weather has given us a hint of autumn and the possibility of clearer skies across the Medford area for the foreseeable future.

“Until Wednesday, everyone can breathe a breath of fresh air,” said Shad Keene, meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Medford.

Past Wednesday, Keene said it looks like the area should get more variable weather conditions that could help usher in some rainfall in September.

As soon as Monday morning, there is a chance of light rainfall in the region, he said.

Considering the variable weather, Keene said it’s unlikely we’ll see much in the way of unhealthy air in the days ahead, though we’ll likely still get some smoke from the 87,701-acre Klondike fire to the west of Grants Pass and the 1,971-acre Ramsey Canyon fire north of Sams Valley.

Which meant I was actually able to go for a short walk this morning.  Much to the shock of my knees and lungs.  Being stuck more or less indoors for 45 days will do that to you.  Time to start with the whole working out thing again.

And after going walkies I made

• Southwestern pulled chicken
• Vegetarian Tortilla Soup
• "Turkey" tamale bake 
• Roasted onions and peppers

I substitute Boca burgers for the turkey in the tamale bake,  add a can of black beans to the soup, shred the chicken meat and throw it back in after thickening the sauce with a bit of cornstarch slurry.  I serve it over rice with the onions and peppers

I also finished the clothing laundry for the week.  Three loads folded, hung, and put away.

And now I am tired.

To internet or not to internet. That is the question.

For some reason I feel the deep down desire to just leave the internet be for a while.  Of course I can't, my entire social life is on the internet.  I publish on the internet.  I sometimes game on the internet, which does not seem to have a purpose at the moment.  I research everything from historical facts to my grocery bill on the internet.  I chat with my spouse on the internet.  Check the weather and air quality, make sure we still have a country, the list goes on.  Basically I'm online from waking to sleeping.
Wasn't life happier before the internet?  Wasn't I happier, more productive, more engaged with my community?  More active, better fed, healthier?  Didn't I get more done?

Actually, no.

I felt lonely all the time.  Bored.  Perusing my interests was difficult, resources were hard to find.  I was disorganized and scattered, unable to focus.  And did I mention lonely?  Very, very lonely?  I hear talks about people who left the internet for a time, how they regained their focus and learned how to _____ and became part of their community again.  That would be hard for me, I don't drive and here's noting within walking distance.  Taking a bus is a three hour ordeal.  It's not worth it.  And if I want to learn how to ___ odds are I can learn faster and easier from the internet then from any resource in town, especially for those of us who's interests are the slightest bit esoteric. 

They may have a point on the focus bit.  But a lot of what I want to focus on is actually available on line.

So maybe the internet isn't so bad.  Sure, I waste too much time randomly surfing, but outside of that, maybe it's okay.  Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, like I was with diet.  But I still feel like I could do better.

I'll have to work on that.

To hell with bro science

So how many vegetables should we eat?

According to the USDA, which is as good a place to start as any and probably reasonably accurate, a woman between the ages of 19 and 50 should have 2.5 cups per day, measured by volume, not weight.

https://www.choosemyplate.gov/vegetables

And also 2 cups of fruit.

https://www.choosemyplate.gov/fruit

No, really.  By volume, not weight.    Which means in theory you can estimate by using your fist, two fists a day of fruit, two and a hald of vegetables.  Or two and a half handfuls. 

https://lifehacker.com/5880630/use-your-hand-to-estimate-your-portions

It's not as much as you think.  it's not nearly as much as the bro science tells you.

To make it easy think in grams.  It's about 400 grams of vegetables, according to a new-ish study in The Lancet.

http://time.com/4920832/fruit-vegetables-legumes-servings/

But bro science, the "unconventional" conventional wisdom of the internet will tell you that there is no such thing as too many vegetables.  At all.  Ever.

For example, Buzzfeed.

In this video you have people trying to eat to the USDA guidelines.  Apparently this is a challenge.

 

But in this video a "nutritionist" "gets real" with people on their horrid diets.

 

 

For the record, a "nutritionist" is not an actual medical title.  What you're looking for is a dietician.  Also, that small bag of spinach she's pushing a day is about 300 grams.  Or so says the bag in my fridge.  Add in some other veg, some fruit, and you're easily near to doubling the amount of veg the USDA recommends.

But does that really matter?  Actually it does.

https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/too-much-fiber

Yes, you can have too much fiber.  I know everyone says American's eat far too little, and I'm not denying that because I don't know everyone and have not seen the research, but it is possible to eat too much.  And fruits and veg are high in fiber.

And some of us are stupid sensitive to fiber.  Especially raw vegetable fiber.

Which is my long winded way of saying that I ate those two and a half cups of veg on Wednesday and paid for it all day Thursday.  My insides were so inflamed and painful I actually considered pain meds and this morning when the, ahem, problem resolved it had me in tears.

I need to craft a diet that is healthy for me.  Which means more evil, refined carbs and small amounts of cooked vegetables.  Because spending all day in the bathroom in pain, or being afraid to go out because you're afraid to be that far from your throne, is not okay.

And I need to not watch any more bro science.

When you just can't shake it

From an old article in Science Daily, on why negative memories are so hard to shake.

The researchers used mice as the model system because their learning processes are very similar to those in humans, and established behavioural tests already exist. In their experiments, the researchers conditioned the mice to associate a sugar solution with nausea. This association persists for many months. The mice avoid the sugar solution during this period.

However, their aversion can be overcome slowly through intensive training. Mansuy explains that “Emotional memories are not simply erased. Oppressive negative memories need to be actively replaced by positive memories.” 

Which relates to Christmas.  Yes, in August.

Way back when I was a middle-youth sprogling Nanny married Husband #2.  Before then Christmas was a Big Deal.  We always went all out:  A big tree with a carefully collected ornament collection that went back generations, a big family dinner with all the trimmings passed politely around, dozens of cookies, piles of gifts, family games, Baby Boomer holiday music, movies, family stories told around, the works.

And then Husband #2 came along and it all stopped.  No, It.  All.  Stopped.  At first he wanted to do away with Christmas entirely.  Christmas was for going to church, he said, kids get one gift on the Epiphany, that's it.  But then he condescended to taking us to his family for the holiday, if we did it his way.

Of course it started well before.  No more big tree, no more ornament collection.  A small, "designer" tree.  One color, two at most, glass balls and a garland and clear lights.  That's it.  No holiday music, he didn't like it.  No movies, he didn't like them.  One kind of cookie, the kind he liked with his alcohol.  And dinner at his father's house.

Picture a basement.  Low ceiling, dimly lit, smelling of fried fish.  Rickety benches around sheets of plywood over sawhorses for a table.  Courses are placed on big trays in the middle of the table, and people fight over the food.  Winner take all style.  The only decoration is a piece of tinsel someone stapled to the wall.  After it everyone either takes a nap or ignores you.  No gifts.  Not even a place to sit indoors.  Overlooked, ignored, no one cares.

After that holidays became a series of basement.  Except for the ones Husband #2 "hosted", meaning I got to cook for 36 people.  Everything else applied.

After Nanny divorced husband #2 we had one holiday at her family's house.  I was still ignored, but the food was better.  And then Kitty Cat came along and we spent a few years with her family, which was a study in anxiety and altitude sickness.  And then we moved up here and Kitty Cat started working every holiday.  After all, the overtime is great, and we don't have kids and Christmas is soooo commercial and....

Losing Christmas still bugs me.  About once a week or so.  Today was the day this week.

Damn it, this year I am putting my foot down.  It's not just the tree, or the gifts, or the dinner, it's the whole experience.  This year we are starting with Thanksgiving and doing the whole bit, from turkey to the Twelve days of Christmas.  Okay, twelve movie nights.  Whatever.  We're doing it.  And I will do it every year until my molecules rearrange.

I leave these meanderings with a virtual tour of the biggest Christmas store in the US.  If I had any reason to go to Michigan I would visit.  I rather thing someone who spells it CHRISTmas might be shocked at my happy, rainbow ass walking into his place but I'd go anyway and I'd bet he'd take my money. 

43 days of the apocalypse and counting.  Which might be contributing to this as well.  Fuck, I cannot wait for cool, crisp fall days and the promise of snow.

Rest your bits

It’s Wednesday, which is not saying much.  There’s another fire, this one up in Sam’s Valley, where we considered living once, back when gas was cheap and we thought we were a cis het couple healthy enough to farm.  These days we’re leaning toward restoring a cottage in a liberal college town that practically radiates rainbows.  And by restoring I mean paying college kids to do it for us.  Also paying other people to farm for us, also known as shopping at the local co-op.  We tried a CSA and got waaaay more eggplant than we knew what to do with, among other things, so co-op.  Also less fire danger.

Taking a couple of days off to rest your uterus does wonders for your knitting output BTW.  Also for your Netflix queue.  Pictures sooner or later, likely when I can afford pillow forms.

Day 42 of the apocalypse.  Another fire does not help.

I survived

Comic by Sarah Anderson.  Used without permission and not for profit
I think she would understand

I’m going to spare all the gory details and just leave links.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilation_and_curettage

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysteroscopy

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/uterine-fibroids/symptoms-causes/syc-20354288

Two fibroids, actually.  But in the land of decent health care, (aka anywhere not my hometown) I got to keep my uterus.  So, you know, better if still sore.

That’s been it for the past few days.  Anxiety over this and then getting it done.  Broken by an awesome D&D game.

Day 40 of the apocalypse and counting.  Although it was pretty mild today.

Now I get to knit for the next two days.  Yay for planning.

To eat your vegetables...

So I have had digestion problems my whole life.  As far back I as can remember bathroom time has been long, frequent and quality.  And it has always driven me entirely batshit.  Yes, it affected my college life, yes it affected my career, and yes it affected my life as a housewife.  But after embarrassing myself in y favorite restaurant I decided to give the old elimination diet a go, to see what it was.

Turns out, it's a vegetable.

Yes, I tried gluten and lactose and soy and corn and sugar.  Nothing fixed it until I went completely off fiber for a few weeks.  No fresh fruits, no vegetables.  Not I'm easing it back in to see if it's one particular family of vegetables or if it's just the straight up quantity.  Women are supposed to have a minimum of 25 grams a day, but I seem to function just fine on 15.

Anyway, list to try to keep track of it.  Anything in red is a well-tried no.  Anything in green is fine.  Anything in blue is fine in small amounts.  Anything struck out I don't eat anyway.

Things I can eat Rice Pasta and noodles Oatmeal Fresh white breads such as French or sourdough Rice cereals Flour tortillas Quinoa Corn meal Potatoes Carrots Yams Sweet potatoes Beets Mushrooms  Applesauce  Whole wheat flour  Whole wheat bread   Nuts Popcorn Berries (blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, cranberries, etc.) Grapes and raisins Cherries Peaches, nectarines, apricots, and pears Melons Oranges, grapefruits, lemons, limes Spinach Whole peas, snow peas, snap peas, pea pods Green beans Kernel corn Celery  Onions, shallots, leeks, scallions, garlic Tomatoes Red meat Poultry Seafood Milk Cheese Eggs Sausage Butter Olive oil  Solid chocolate Olives Nuts and nut butters Croissants, pastries, biscuits, scones, and doughnuts Pie crust Potato chips Corn chips and nachos	Things I still have to try Barley Turnips Rutabagas Parsnips Squash and pumpkins Chestnuts Avocados Bananas Wheat bran Whole grains Whole grain breads Whole grain cereals Granola Muesli Seeds Beans and lentils Apples Rhubarb Kale Mesclun Collards Arugula Lettuce Bell peppers Eggplant Cabbage Bok choy Brussels sprouts Broccoli Cauliflower Cucumbers Sprouts (alfalfa, sunflower, radish, etc.) Fresh herbs
Things I can eat in small amounts Dates French fries  Onion rings Fried chicken Corn dogs Anything battered and deep-fried Mayonnaise Salad dressings Tartar sauce Things I can't eat Whole wheat cereal Pineapple Shellfish Prunes	Things I don't eat anyway Soy Mangoes Papayas Shortening Margarine Cool Whip Shredded coconut Solid carob

The limited fats is more about my lack of a gallbladder. And no, I don't know why Kitty's whole wheat molasses bread is fine but shredded wheat is not.  As for the rest, testing continues. I'll keep this list updated.

Oh. Riiiight....

Day 35, the Apocalypse continues...

So apparently "taking a break from the emotional work" means "taking a break from everything for four months".  In my defense I've been sick, my wife has been sick, she finished a tough semester, she found religion again, a friend lost a job, money has been tight...

And the weather.  Dear Bast the weather.

That's forest fire smoke.  It's been like that for weeks.  That green sign is 1/4 mile from the camera. The second overpass is 1 mile.

This summer has been the summer of suck.

On the plus side I have some knitting done, pictures in the next few days, I started reading again and I started writing again.  I'm sorting out my diet issues and slowly sorting out my health issues.  Slowly being the key word there.

Maybe by the fall my shit will be together.

Anyway, check the sidebar for updates and whatnot.  And I'll start trying to keep up again.

Emotional Work

Emotional work

Emotion work is understood as the art of trying to change in degree or quality an emotion or feeling.

Emotion work may be defined as the management of one's own feelings, or work done in an effort to maintain a relationship; there is dispute as to whether emotion work is only work done regulating one’s own emotion, or extends to performing the emotional work for others.

And let me tell you, it is fucking exhausting.

And not just the housewife version.  While that is still tiring, it's improving around here.  No, I mean the straight up kind.

Tomorrow I'm....no, I'm not.  I'm doing more of it.  In fact I'm booked for it right through the week-end.

Next week I'm scheduling a day off from everyone's emotions. Likely Monday. I'm going to sit my backside in front of Netflix and PBS with my knitting and just....not for a day.

That is all.

Trying something new

If you haven't noticed I tend to get very verbose for a few posts every so often, and then forget about this blog for a few months at a time.  I feel kind of bad about that.  Also because it means I blow my accountability out of the water.  So, you know, trying shorter posts more often.  Seeing what happens.

Lately I've been gaming too much, eating wrong, not sticking to my pattern, all the off things that I know make me unhappy.  Lesson learned today, stick with what works.  Which means tomorrow getting up and following my Order of Operations to the letter. Because while friends are important, faffing about with them on the internet before you get your life going is a good way to have a bad day.