To internet or not to internet. That is the question.

For some reason I feel the deep down desire to just leave the internet be for a while.  Of course I can't, my entire social life is on the internet.  I publish on the internet.  I sometimes game on the internet, which does not seem to have a purpose at the moment.  I research everything from historical facts to my grocery bill on the internet.  I chat with my spouse on the internet.  Check the weather and air quality, make sure we still have a country, the list goes on.  Basically I'm online from waking to sleeping.
Wasn't life happier before the internet?  Wasn't I happier, more productive, more engaged with my community?  More active, better fed, healthier?  Didn't I get more done?

Actually, no.

I felt lonely all the time.  Bored.  Perusing my interests was difficult, resources were hard to find.  I was disorganized and scattered, unable to focus.  And did I mention lonely?  Very, very lonely?  I hear talks about people who left the internet for a time, how they regained their focus and learned how to _____ and became part of their community again.  That would be hard for me, I don't drive and here's noting within walking distance.  Taking a bus is a three hour ordeal.  It's not worth it.  And if I want to learn how to ___ odds are I can learn faster and easier from the internet then from any resource in town, especially for those of us who's interests are the slightest bit esoteric. 

They may have a point on the focus bit.  But a lot of what I want to focus on is actually available on line.

So maybe the internet isn't so bad.  Sure, I waste too much time randomly surfing, but outside of that, maybe it's okay.  Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, like I was with diet.  But I still feel like I could do better.

I'll have to work on that.

To hell with bro science

So how many vegetables should we eat?

According to the USDA, which is as good a place to start as any and probably reasonably accurate, a woman between the ages of 19 and 50 should have 2.5 cups per day, measured by volume, not weight.

https://www.choosemyplate.gov/vegetables

And also 2 cups of fruit.

https://www.choosemyplate.gov/fruit

No, really.  By volume, not weight.    Which means in theory you can estimate by using your fist, two fists a day of fruit, two and a hald of vegetables.  Or two and a half handfuls. 

https://lifehacker.com/5880630/use-your-hand-to-estimate-your-portions

It's not as much as you think.  it's not nearly as much as the bro science tells you.

To make it easy think in grams.  It's about 400 grams of vegetables, according to a new-ish study in The Lancet.

http://time.com/4920832/fruit-vegetables-legumes-servings/

But bro science, the "unconventional" conventional wisdom of the internet will tell you that there is no such thing as too many vegetables.  At all.  Ever.

For example, Buzzfeed.

In this video you have people trying to eat to the USDA guidelines.  Apparently this is a challenge.

 

But in this video a "nutritionist" "gets real" with people on their horrid diets.

 

 

For the record, a "nutritionist" is not an actual medical title.  What you're looking for is a dietician.  Also, that small bag of spinach she's pushing a day is about 300 grams.  Or so says the bag in my fridge.  Add in some other veg, some fruit, and you're easily near to doubling the amount of veg the USDA recommends.

But does that really matter?  Actually it does.

https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/too-much-fiber

Yes, you can have too much fiber.  I know everyone says American's eat far too little, and I'm not denying that because I don't know everyone and have not seen the research, but it is possible to eat too much.  And fruits and veg are high in fiber.

And some of us are stupid sensitive to fiber.  Especially raw vegetable fiber.

Which is my long winded way of saying that I ate those two and a half cups of veg on Wednesday and paid for it all day Thursday.  My insides were so inflamed and painful I actually considered pain meds and this morning when the, ahem, problem resolved it had me in tears.

I need to craft a diet that is healthy for me.  Which means more evil, refined carbs and small amounts of cooked vegetables.  Because spending all day in the bathroom in pain, or being afraid to go out because you're afraid to be that far from your throne, is not okay.

And I need to not watch any more bro science.

When you just can't shake it

From an old article in Science Daily, on why negative memories are so hard to shake.

The researchers used mice as the model system because their learning processes are very similar to those in humans, and established behavioural tests already exist. In their experiments, the researchers conditioned the mice to associate a sugar solution with nausea. This association persists for many months. The mice avoid the sugar solution during this period.

However, their aversion can be overcome slowly through intensive training. Mansuy explains that “Emotional memories are not simply erased. Oppressive negative memories need to be actively replaced by positive memories.” 

Which relates to Christmas.  Yes, in August.

Way back when I was a middle-youth sprogling Nanny married Husband #2.  Before then Christmas was a Big Deal.  We always went all out:  A big tree with a carefully collected ornament collection that went back generations, a big family dinner with all the trimmings passed politely around, dozens of cookies, piles of gifts, family games, Baby Boomer holiday music, movies, family stories told around, the works.

And then Husband #2 came along and it all stopped.  No, It.  All.  Stopped.  At first he wanted to do away with Christmas entirely.  Christmas was for going to church, he said, kids get one gift on the Epiphany, that's it.  But then he condescended to taking us to his family for the holiday, if we did it his way.

Of course it started well before.  No more big tree, no more ornament collection.  A small, "designer" tree.  One color, two at most, glass balls and a garland and clear lights.  That's it.  No holiday music, he didn't like it.  No movies, he didn't like them.  One kind of cookie, the kind he liked with his alcohol.  And dinner at his father's house.

Picture a basement.  Low ceiling, dimly lit, smelling of fried fish.  Rickety benches around sheets of plywood over sawhorses for a table.  Courses are placed on big trays in the middle of the table, and people fight over the food.  Winner take all style.  The only decoration is a piece of tinsel someone stapled to the wall.  After it everyone either takes a nap or ignores you.  No gifts.  Not even a place to sit indoors.  Overlooked, ignored, no one cares.

After that holidays became a series of basement.  Except for the ones Husband #2 "hosted", meaning I got to cook for 36 people.  Everything else applied.

After Nanny divorced husband #2 we had one holiday at her family's house.  I was still ignored, but the food was better.  And then Kitty Cat came along and we spent a few years with her family, which was a study in anxiety and altitude sickness.  And then we moved up here and Kitty Cat started working every holiday.  After all, the overtime is great, and we don't have kids and Christmas is soooo commercial and....

Losing Christmas still bugs me.  About once a week or so.  Today was the day this week.

Damn it, this year I am putting my foot down.  It's not just the tree, or the gifts, or the dinner, it's the whole experience.  This year we are starting with Thanksgiving and doing the whole bit, from turkey to the Twelve days of Christmas.  Okay, twelve movie nights.  Whatever.  We're doing it.  And I will do it every year until my molecules rearrange.

I leave these meanderings with a virtual tour of the biggest Christmas store in the US.  If I had any reason to go to Michigan I would visit.  I rather thing someone who spells it CHRISTmas might be shocked at my happy, rainbow ass walking into his place but I'd go anyway and I'd bet he'd take my money. 

43 days of the apocalypse and counting.  Which might be contributing to this as well.  Fuck, I cannot wait for cool, crisp fall days and the promise of snow.

Rest your bits

It’s Wednesday, which is not saying much.  There’s another fire, this one up in Sam’s Valley, where we considered living once, back when gas was cheap and we thought we were a cis het couple healthy enough to farm.  These days we’re leaning toward restoring a cottage in a liberal college town that practically radiates rainbows.  And by restoring I mean paying college kids to do it for us.  Also paying other people to farm for us, also known as shopping at the local co-op.  We tried a CSA and got waaaay more eggplant than we knew what to do with, among other things, so co-op.  Also less fire danger.

Taking a couple of days off to rest your uterus does wonders for your knitting output BTW.  Also for your Netflix queue.  Pictures sooner or later, likely when I can afford pillow forms.

Day 42 of the apocalypse.  Another fire does not help.

I survived

Comic by Sarah Anderson.  Used without permission and not for profit
I think she would understand

I’m going to spare all the gory details and just leave links.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilation_and_curettage

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysteroscopy

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/uterine-fibroids/symptoms-causes/syc-20354288

Two fibroids, actually.  But in the land of decent health care, (aka anywhere not my hometown) I got to keep my uterus.  So, you know, better if still sore.

That’s been it for the past few days.  Anxiety over this and then getting it done.  Broken by an awesome D&D game.

Day 40 of the apocalypse and counting.  Although it was pretty mild today.

Now I get to knit for the next two days.  Yay for planning.

To eat your vegetables...

So I have had digestion problems my whole life.  As far back I as can remember bathroom time has been long, frequent and quality.  And it has always driven me entirely batshit.  Yes, it affected my college life, yes it affected my career, and yes it affected my life as a housewife.  But after embarrassing myself in y favorite restaurant I decided to give the old elimination diet a go, to see what it was.

Turns out, it's a vegetable.

Yes, I tried gluten and lactose and soy and corn and sugar.  Nothing fixed it until I went completely off fiber for a few weeks.  No fresh fruits, no vegetables.  Not I'm easing it back in to see if it's one particular family of vegetables or if it's just the straight up quantity.  Women are supposed to have a minimum of 25 grams a day, but I seem to function just fine on 15.

Anyway, list to try to keep track of it.  Anything in red is a well-tried no.  Anything in green is fine.  Anything in blue is fine in small amounts.  Anything struck out I don't eat anyway.

Things I can eat Rice Pasta and noodles Oatmeal Fresh white breads such as French or sourdough Rice cereals Flour tortillas Quinoa Corn meal Potatoes Carrots Yams Sweet potatoes Beets Mushrooms  Applesauce  Whole wheat flour  Whole wheat bread   Nuts Popcorn Berries (blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, cranberries, etc.) Grapes and raisins Cherries Peaches, nectarines, apricots, and pears Melons Oranges, grapefruits, lemons, limes Spinach Whole peas, snow peas, snap peas, pea pods Green beans Kernel corn Celery  Onions, shallots, leeks, scallions, garlic Tomatoes Red meat Poultry Seafood Milk Cheese Eggs Sausage Butter Olive oil  Solid chocolate Olives Nuts and nut butters Croissants, pastries, biscuits, scones, and doughnuts Pie crust Potato chips Corn chips and nachos	Things I still have to try Barley Turnips Rutabagas Parsnips Squash and pumpkins Chestnuts Avocados Bananas Wheat bran Whole grains Whole grain breads Whole grain cereals Granola Muesli Seeds Beans and lentils Apples Rhubarb Kale Mesclun Collards Arugula Lettuce Bell peppers Eggplant Cabbage Bok choy Brussels sprouts Broccoli Cauliflower Cucumbers Sprouts (alfalfa, sunflower, radish, etc.) Fresh herbs
Things I can eat in small amounts Dates French fries  Onion rings Fried chicken Corn dogs Anything battered and deep-fried Mayonnaise Salad dressings Tartar sauce Things I can't eat Whole wheat cereal Pineapple Shellfish Prunes	Things I don't eat anyway Soy Mangoes Papayas Shortening Margarine Cool Whip Shredded coconut Solid carob

The limited fats is more about my lack of a gallbladder. And no, I don't know why Kitty's whole wheat molasses bread is fine but shredded wheat is not.  As for the rest, testing continues. I'll keep this list updated.

Oh. Riiiight....

Day 35, the Apocalypse continues...

So apparently "taking a break from the emotional work" means "taking a break from everything for four months".  In my defense I've been sick, my wife has been sick, she finished a tough semester, she found religion again, a friend lost a job, money has been tight...

And the weather.  Dear Bast the weather.

That's forest fire smoke.  It's been like that for weeks.  That green sign is 1/4 mile from the camera. The second overpass is 1 mile.

This summer has been the summer of suck.

On the plus side I have some knitting done, pictures in the next few days, I started reading again and I started writing again.  I'm sorting out my diet issues and slowly sorting out my health issues.  Slowly being the key word there.

Maybe by the fall my shit will be together.

Anyway, check the sidebar for updates and whatnot.  And I'll start trying to keep up again.