So I am taking the idea of a schedule and turning it on it's head. At least that's what my little ACoN heart is telling me.
When you're an ACoN (Adult Child of Narcissists, in other words an emotional abuse survivor) you learn to schedule your time thusly:
- Do what they think is important first
- Then clear off the rest of their to-do list, even what they didn't give you to do
- Never let them catch you not working
- Never do anything they don't want to do
- Whey they want to rest you rest as well
In my young life this meant
- Clean the kitchen and do the laundry first
- Then clean the rest of the house
- Don't sit down during the day, including mealtimes
- Don't workout
- Watch TV after dinner
- Write and study after they go to bed so they don't have to watch you doing it
After spending my childhood and teen years doing that, and then ten+ years in the working world on that schedule it's stuck with me. Work during the day, relax after dinner. "Relaxing" includes
- Working out
- Sewing
- Knitting
- Crochet
- Writing
- Gaming
- Reading
- Watching TV
- Taking online classes
Pretty much everything I personally enjoy. Instinctively I mentally want to park all of that in the space between dinner and bedtime. But there are problems with that:
- Kitty's work schedule gives us 2 hours between dinner and lights out. And I have a hard time staying up in the house after she goes to bed. My internal clock tends to drift and I get insomnia, next thing I know I'm getting 4 hours sleep.
- Kitty doesn't want to watch TV anymore. So now we spend those two hours at our desks.
- My general ACoN-ness tells me that I should be spending the time Kitty is at work working. Doing chores and cleaning the house. But there are two of us, cleaning the house really doesn't take up that much time.
The end result of this is a lot of wasting time.
- I ought to be working, so I don't want to start anything, but I don't have that much to do so I don't really have to start it right away.
- I can take a minute to see if any of my favorite posters on Reddit have put something up. Sure, it's lights out but I am not at all tired yet so I'll just sit at my vanity in the bathroom and play video games for a couple of hours.
- Yeah, I should work out, but I should get everything else going first, But now it's too hot to go out there.
And now none of my stuff is getting done. We still have food to eat, a relatively clean house and clean laundry but none of my stuff is getting done.
Update in a few when I figure this shit out
------------
I don't know if you would call it figured out, but at least it's a something.
House laundry (towels, sheets, kitchen linens) on Tuesday so they can run while I cook. Family laundry (clothing x 3 batches) on Saturday so I can get Kitty out of her clothes and wash them all.
And then I tucked other stuff in around it. For now crochet and "stocking" nearly every day because I want to get those things done before the first of December. Writing two days a week to get my focus back. Coursera classes two days a week because I really want to try to make up for what I missed back in high school and college. Reading and knitting after Kitty is home because she can be a bit distracting,
And then yes, after she goes to bed, retiring to the den for an hour for a bit of television and more knitting. More so on Tuesdays because she has a late evening class. Because other people's stories help feed my head..
Now I just have to actually stick to it all. That's the hardest part.
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