And sometimes it just sucks.

Yes, I'm fat.

This is where I blame my Mother (Legit. She has an eating disorder.  She also has a Cluster B Personality Disorder which meant that I had to share her eating disorder to validate her.  Starting in grade school.  This will fuck you up).

This is where I blame some sickness (Legit.  Being a modern adult size 8, wearing a C cup and growing pubic hair is not normal for a second grader.  Something has been wrong with me from the get go)

This is where I blame injury.  (IT Band Syndrome and Osteoarthritis in the knee and I broke my back once.  Likely in a car accident in childhood.  No, I was not treated at the time.   Cluster B Mom wasn't injured so neither was I even though she had a seat belt on while I went bouncing around the interior of the car.)

But the truth is that even if you take all of that into account I still need to lose, at minimum, 50 lbs.  Probably more, but I also carry a lot of water due to some combination of those three things, so I don't know precisely how much more.  At least another 50 though, on top of the 70 I've already lost.

So despite the messed up head from the aforementioned eating disorder I am once again dieting.

I have no clue if this will work, re:  the aforementioned sickness.  But I have to say I gave it an honest try.  So here I am at the end of the first week of giving it that honest try.

Yep, first week sucked.  Being hungry sucks and is scary.  Having your blood glucose rapidly drop to normal levels makes you feel dizzy and sick (but it's good for you after).  Eating the same exceedingly healthy things day after day can get real boring.

But I'm doing it, damn it.  You can't discipline others if you can't discipline yourself.  I am disciplining my hardest area and I am making it work.

Of course without exercise, since I'm still rehabbing the aforementioned injuries, I've had to cut my calories even further.  1800 is a scary number, but I'm doing it.  At this point I might even be getting used to it, which is kind of disturbing.

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I have a plan.

 

My goal is to keep at 1800 calories 6 days a week, and 2000 on the seventh.  Also 2000 on any day I have PT in the pool since that drops your blood glucose like no one's business.  I plan to keep this up until August 29th  At that point I plan to get on the scale and stop dieting for one week since my in-laws are coming in to town.

When I get on the scale one of two things will happen:

1). I will have lost aprox 25-30 lbs, based on what I eat and burn.  In that case I'm going to take some time off and start ye olde diet back up on September 10th and continue until November 22.  At that point I will go to my moderate plan until January 2nd, 2018.  My moderate plan consists of sticking with my 1800 calorie menu from Sunday noon through Friday at 4 pm.  From Friday at 4pm through Sunday noon I can eat what I want and not count.

During that month I will go see my doctor and get whatever body fat analysis he considers his Gold Standard.   Based on that I'll determine how to move forward

2). I will have loss substantially less than 25-30 lbs.  In which case my plan will remain the same, except I will contact my Dr on September 10th so we can figure out WTF is going on.

One way or the other, this will be the year that I finally get the excess off.  I expect I'll still be a "big girl" after, but I'll be at 20% body fat, so big is just the way I will be.

When I get under 200 lbs I plan, with my Orthopod's blessing, to go back to the gym and start getting some muscle going again.  I'd like to be able to do a muscle up, really, and do a dance workout again and do real, on the floor push-ups.  And I'd like to be able to see some ab definition.

So there.  Goals and a plan.  Now let me try a plan for the month again.