It's the beginning of the school year and...

...I have been thinking about school.

Not actual school.  Kinda.  Sorta.  Maybe.  If we're talking actual school, being a forty-something type with at least a functional bachelor's degree actual school would be either going back for bachelor #2 or a Master's in something or other.  And right now a)  we can only afford one person in school, b)  Kitty is one semester away from her first bachelor's and c)  a Master's is a good way for her to advance at work.  So for the next three years or so our education budget is going to her.

But I wasn't talking actual school anyway.  School looms right up there with Christmas and Wedding in the land of Shit I Regret And Blame My Family For, it tends to come around every so often and bug me for days on end.  I missed something there.  Something wasn't right.  Something did not work.  I skated through high school and college on a combination of excellent test taking skills, work experience and bullshit.  No, really, one time I accidentally wrote a Shakespearean essay about the romance novel I'd been reading the night before and I not only got an A the professor read it out loud as an example of an excellent essay form.  Because Sr. Rosine taught us the three paragraph essay form in the third grade and it makes everything look better, I don't know.

So something was not working then and now, with the distance of memory and lots and lots of therapy I know what it was.  I lacked study skills and I lacked time management skills.

First off, study skills.  As they say on this informative web site:

Students believe that studying and doing homework are the same thing. However, they should be approached as two very distinct, separate tasks. Homework commonly consists of assignments that instructors assign to be completed at home by students. The general purpose of homework assignments is to reinforce the knowledge that you learn in the classroom. These assignments allow for extra practice, so that you can refine your skills and knowledge in a particular area.

Studying, on the other hand, refers to the time students spend on their own to go over material they learned in class. Many students think of studying as what they do to prepare for an exam; however, it is best to set aside regular time to study to be sure you understand all the concepts you are learning in class so you do not fall behind. Studying includes making flashcards, taking detailed notes, making outlines, and reading.

Nobody ever told me any of that.  No, really, I learned that today.

Part of the problem is that I went to parochial school from K to 8, meaning right through junior high.   I know now that part of what we were supposed to do in junior high was transition from homework to studying but because my school was continuous and taught by untrained instructors chosen for their religious background they didn't know that and just had us doing homework.  And because no one in my family had ever been to college or even through a college prep program no one there knew either.  (Mom was on the trade school track in high school.  Cosmetology.  She learned to be a banker through on-the-job training.). And everyone in my high school figured someone else must have taught me somewhere along the line.

So everyone said to "study" and I had no clue.  I read the textbooks, attempted to take notes in class but never knew what to do with them, and faked it as best I could.  I skated.

As for time management, even if I had known how to study I wouldn't have had time.  I watched a YouTube video today of this really sweet girl in high school talking about her after school routine.

To sum up:

3:30-5:30 - Cross-country practice
5:30-6:30 - Snack, shower, rest, organize class notes
6:30-7:00 - Dinner
7:00-9:00 - Study
9:00-10:00 - Free time to pursue own interests
10:00 - Bed

I'm honestly kind of shocked.  My routine went something like this:

3:30-5:30 - Theater rehearsal
5:30-6:30 - Cook dinner
6:30 - 7:00 - Dinner
7:00 - 7:30 - Clean kitchen
7:30 - 8:00 - Help Grandfather with his mail and meds
8:00-11:00 - "Family Time"/watch TV (yes, we all had to watch TV together.)
11:00 - Bed

The reason why I didn't work at home was because my stepfather, Ex #2, did not allow reading in the house.  Reading was selfish and self-centered and useless, and just reminded him of his ex wife and was rubbing in his illiteracy.  So I did what I could at school and left my books there, for fear he would hit me for reading in front of him.  He did that to his other kids.  Even when I was in my room he'd shout down the heavens until Mom had me put my books away and come out.

So to keep him calm and placid we all sat in the living room for three hours a night and watched TV together.  No books, no knitting, no talking.  Just silently watching TV.

So if you figure five nights of work a week times two hours of studying that's 10 hours I didn't have to work with. Even if I had known what I was doing I still would have been behind.  But if I had known perhaps I wouldn't have been as behind.

So through the magic that is the internet maybe I'll get to actually learn how to study now.  Maybe I can figure out this take notes thing and read more.  Maybe I can prove to myself that I actually can do it.

And maybe in a few years I'll prove to myself that I can do college too.

Walkies

So there is a chance the apocalypse might not come off after all.

A welcome change in the weather has given us a hint of autumn and the possibility of clearer skies across the Medford area for the foreseeable future.

“Until Wednesday, everyone can breathe a breath of fresh air,” said Shad Keene, meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Medford.

Past Wednesday, Keene said it looks like the area should get more variable weather conditions that could help usher in some rainfall in September.

As soon as Monday morning, there is a chance of light rainfall in the region, he said.

Considering the variable weather, Keene said it’s unlikely we’ll see much in the way of unhealthy air in the days ahead, though we’ll likely still get some smoke from the 87,701-acre Klondike fire to the west of Grants Pass and the 1,971-acre Ramsey Canyon fire north of Sams Valley.

Which meant I was actually able to go for a short walk this morning.  Much to the shock of my knees and lungs.  Being stuck more or less indoors for 45 days will do that to you.  Time to start with the whole working out thing again.

And after going walkies I made

• Southwestern pulled chicken
• Vegetarian Tortilla Soup
• "Turkey" tamale bake 
• Roasted onions and peppers

I substitute Boca burgers for the turkey in the tamale bake,  add a can of black beans to the soup, shred the chicken meat and throw it back in after thickening the sauce with a bit of cornstarch slurry.  I serve it over rice with the onions and peppers

I also finished the clothing laundry for the week.  Three loads folded, hung, and put away.

And now I am tired.

To internet or not to internet. That is the question.

For some reason I feel the deep down desire to just leave the internet be for a while.  Of course I can't, my entire social life is on the internet.  I publish on the internet.  I sometimes game on the internet, which does not seem to have a purpose at the moment.  I research everything from historical facts to my grocery bill on the internet.  I chat with my spouse on the internet.  Check the weather and air quality, make sure we still have a country, the list goes on.  Basically I'm online from waking to sleeping.
Wasn't life happier before the internet?  Wasn't I happier, more productive, more engaged with my community?  More active, better fed, healthier?  Didn't I get more done?

Actually, no.

I felt lonely all the time.  Bored.  Perusing my interests was difficult, resources were hard to find.  I was disorganized and scattered, unable to focus.  And did I mention lonely?  Very, very lonely?  I hear talks about people who left the internet for a time, how they regained their focus and learned how to _____ and became part of their community again.  That would be hard for me, I don't drive and here's noting within walking distance.  Taking a bus is a three hour ordeal.  It's not worth it.  And if I want to learn how to ___ odds are I can learn faster and easier from the internet then from any resource in town, especially for those of us who's interests are the slightest bit esoteric. 

They may have a point on the focus bit.  But a lot of what I want to focus on is actually available on line.

So maybe the internet isn't so bad.  Sure, I waste too much time randomly surfing, but outside of that, maybe it's okay.  Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, like I was with diet.  But I still feel like I could do better.

I'll have to work on that.

To hell with bro science

So how many vegetables should we eat?

According to the USDA, which is as good a place to start as any and probably reasonably accurate, a woman between the ages of 19 and 50 should have 2.5 cups per day, measured by volume, not weight.

https://www.choosemyplate.gov/vegetables

And also 2 cups of fruit.

https://www.choosemyplate.gov/fruit

No, really.  By volume, not weight.    Which means in theory you can estimate by using your fist, two fists a day of fruit, two and a hald of vegetables.  Or two and a half handfuls. 

https://lifehacker.com/5880630/use-your-hand-to-estimate-your-portions

It's not as much as you think.  it's not nearly as much as the bro science tells you.

To make it easy think in grams.  It's about 400 grams of vegetables, according to a new-ish study in The Lancet.

http://time.com/4920832/fruit-vegetables-legumes-servings/

But bro science, the "unconventional" conventional wisdom of the internet will tell you that there is no such thing as too many vegetables.  At all.  Ever.

For example, Buzzfeed.

In this video you have people trying to eat to the USDA guidelines.  Apparently this is a challenge.

 

But in this video a "nutritionist" "gets real" with people on their horrid diets.

 

 

For the record, a "nutritionist" is not an actual medical title.  What you're looking for is a dietician.  Also, that small bag of spinach she's pushing a day is about 300 grams.  Or so says the bag in my fridge.  Add in some other veg, some fruit, and you're easily near to doubling the amount of veg the USDA recommends.

But does that really matter?  Actually it does.

https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/too-much-fiber

Yes, you can have too much fiber.  I know everyone says American's eat far too little, and I'm not denying that because I don't know everyone and have not seen the research, but it is possible to eat too much.  And fruits and veg are high in fiber.

And some of us are stupid sensitive to fiber.  Especially raw vegetable fiber.

Which is my long winded way of saying that I ate those two and a half cups of veg on Wednesday and paid for it all day Thursday.  My insides were so inflamed and painful I actually considered pain meds and this morning when the, ahem, problem resolved it had me in tears.

I need to craft a diet that is healthy for me.  Which means more evil, refined carbs and small amounts of cooked vegetables.  Because spending all day in the bathroom in pain, or being afraid to go out because you're afraid to be that far from your throne, is not okay.

And I need to not watch any more bro science.

When you just can't shake it

From an old article in Science Daily, on why negative memories are so hard to shake.

The researchers used mice as the model system because their learning processes are very similar to those in humans, and established behavioural tests already exist. In their experiments, the researchers conditioned the mice to associate a sugar solution with nausea. This association persists for many months. The mice avoid the sugar solution during this period.

However, their aversion can be overcome slowly through intensive training. Mansuy explains that “Emotional memories are not simply erased. Oppressive negative memories need to be actively replaced by positive memories.” 

Which relates to Christmas.  Yes, in August.

Way back when I was a middle-youth sprogling Nanny married Husband #2.  Before then Christmas was a Big Deal.  We always went all out:  A big tree with a carefully collected ornament collection that went back generations, a big family dinner with all the trimmings passed politely around, dozens of cookies, piles of gifts, family games, Baby Boomer holiday music, movies, family stories told around, the works.

And then Husband #2 came along and it all stopped.  No, It.  All.  Stopped.  At first he wanted to do away with Christmas entirely.  Christmas was for going to church, he said, kids get one gift on the Epiphany, that's it.  But then he condescended to taking us to his family for the holiday, if we did it his way.

Of course it started well before.  No more big tree, no more ornament collection.  A small, "designer" tree.  One color, two at most, glass balls and a garland and clear lights.  That's it.  No holiday music, he didn't like it.  No movies, he didn't like them.  One kind of cookie, the kind he liked with his alcohol.  And dinner at his father's house.

Picture a basement.  Low ceiling, dimly lit, smelling of fried fish.  Rickety benches around sheets of plywood over sawhorses for a table.  Courses are placed on big trays in the middle of the table, and people fight over the food.  Winner take all style.  The only decoration is a piece of tinsel someone stapled to the wall.  After it everyone either takes a nap or ignores you.  No gifts.  Not even a place to sit indoors.  Overlooked, ignored, no one cares.

After that holidays became a series of basement.  Except for the ones Husband #2 "hosted", meaning I got to cook for 36 people.  Everything else applied.

After Nanny divorced husband #2 we had one holiday at her family's house.  I was still ignored, but the food was better.  And then Kitty Cat came along and we spent a few years with her family, which was a study in anxiety and altitude sickness.  And then we moved up here and Kitty Cat started working every holiday.  After all, the overtime is great, and we don't have kids and Christmas is soooo commercial and....

Losing Christmas still bugs me.  About once a week or so.  Today was the day this week.

Damn it, this year I am putting my foot down.  It's not just the tree, or the gifts, or the dinner, it's the whole experience.  This year we are starting with Thanksgiving and doing the whole bit, from turkey to the Twelve days of Christmas.  Okay, twelve movie nights.  Whatever.  We're doing it.  And I will do it every year until my molecules rearrange.

I leave these meanderings with a virtual tour of the biggest Christmas store in the US.  If I had any reason to go to Michigan I would visit.  I rather thing someone who spells it CHRISTmas might be shocked at my happy, rainbow ass walking into his place but I'd go anyway and I'd bet he'd take my money. 

43 days of the apocalypse and counting.  Which might be contributing to this as well.  Fuck, I cannot wait for cool, crisp fall days and the promise of snow.

Rest your bits

It’s Wednesday, which is not saying much.  There’s another fire, this one up in Sam’s Valley, where we considered living once, back when gas was cheap and we thought we were a cis het couple healthy enough to farm.  These days we’re leaning toward restoring a cottage in a liberal college town that practically radiates rainbows.  And by restoring I mean paying college kids to do it for us.  Also paying other people to farm for us, also known as shopping at the local co-op.  We tried a CSA and got waaaay more eggplant than we knew what to do with, among other things, so co-op.  Also less fire danger.

Taking a couple of days off to rest your uterus does wonders for your knitting output BTW.  Also for your Netflix queue.  Pictures sooner or later, likely when I can afford pillow forms.

Day 42 of the apocalypse.  Another fire does not help.

I survived

Comic by Sarah Anderson.  Used without permission and not for profit
I think she would understand

I’m going to spare all the gory details and just leave links.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilation_and_curettage

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysteroscopy

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/uterine-fibroids/symptoms-causes/syc-20354288

Two fibroids, actually.  But in the land of decent health care, (aka anywhere not my hometown) I got to keep my uterus.  So, you know, better if still sore.

That’s been it for the past few days.  Anxiety over this and then getting it done.  Broken by an awesome D&D game.

Day 40 of the apocalypse and counting.  Although it was pretty mild today.

Now I get to knit for the next two days.  Yay for planning.

To eat your vegetables...

So I have had digestion problems my whole life.  As far back I as can remember bathroom time has been long, frequent and quality.  And it has always driven me entirely batshit.  Yes, it affected my college life, yes it affected my career, and yes it affected my life as a housewife.  But after embarrassing myself in y favorite restaurant I decided to give the old elimination diet a go, to see what it was.

Turns out, it's a vegetable.

Yes, I tried gluten and lactose and soy and corn and sugar.  Nothing fixed it until I went completely off fiber for a few weeks.  No fresh fruits, no vegetables.  Not I'm easing it back in to see if it's one particular family of vegetables or if it's just the straight up quantity.  Women are supposed to have a minimum of 25 grams a day, but I seem to function just fine on 15.

Anyway, list to try to keep track of it.  Anything in red is a well-tried no.  Anything in green is fine.  Anything in blue is fine in small amounts.  Anything struck out I don't eat anyway.

Things I can eat Rice Pasta and noodles Oatmeal Fresh white breads such as French or sourdough Rice cereals Flour tortillas Quinoa Corn meal Potatoes Carrots Yams Sweet potatoes Beets Mushrooms  Applesauce  Whole wheat flour  Whole wheat bread   Nuts Popcorn Berries (blueberries, strawberries, blackberries, cranberries, etc.) Grapes and raisins Cherries Peaches, nectarines, apricots, and pears Melons Oranges, grapefruits, lemons, limes Spinach Whole peas, snow peas, snap peas, pea pods Green beans Kernel corn Celery  Onions, shallots, leeks, scallions, garlic Tomatoes Red meat Poultry Seafood Milk Cheese Eggs Sausage Butter Olive oil  Solid chocolate Olives Nuts and nut butters Croissants, pastries, biscuits, scones, and doughnuts Pie crust Potato chips Corn chips and nachos	Things I still have to try Barley Turnips Rutabagas Parsnips Squash and pumpkins Chestnuts Avocados Bananas Wheat bran Whole grains Whole grain breads Whole grain cereals Granola Muesli Seeds Beans and lentils Apples Rhubarb Kale Mesclun Collards Arugula Lettuce Bell peppers Eggplant Cabbage Bok choy Brussels sprouts Broccoli Cauliflower Cucumbers Sprouts (alfalfa, sunflower, radish, etc.) Fresh herbs
Things I can eat in small amounts Dates French fries  Onion rings Fried chicken Corn dogs Anything battered and deep-fried Mayonnaise Salad dressings Tartar sauce Things I can't eat Whole wheat cereal Pineapple Shellfish Prunes	Things I don't eat anyway Soy Mangoes Papayas Shortening Margarine Cool Whip Shredded coconut Solid carob

The limited fats is more about my lack of a gallbladder. And no, I don't know why Kitty's whole wheat molasses bread is fine but shredded wheat is not.  As for the rest, testing continues. I'll keep this list updated.

Oh. Riiiight....

Day 35, the Apocalypse continues...

So apparently "taking a break from the emotional work" means "taking a break from everything for four months".  In my defense I've been sick, my wife has been sick, she finished a tough semester, she found religion again, a friend lost a job, money has been tight...

And the weather.  Dear Bast the weather.

That's forest fire smoke.  It's been like that for weeks.  That green sign is 1/4 mile from the camera. The second overpass is 1 mile.

This summer has been the summer of suck.

On the plus side I have some knitting done, pictures in the next few days, I started reading again and I started writing again.  I'm sorting out my diet issues and slowly sorting out my health issues.  Slowly being the key word there.

Maybe by the fall my shit will be together.

Anyway, check the sidebar for updates and whatnot.  And I'll start trying to keep up again.