...I have been thinking about school.
Not actual school. Kinda. Sorta. Maybe. If we're talking actual school, being a forty-something type with at least a functional bachelor's degree actual school would be either going back for bachelor #2 or a Master's in something or other. And right now a) we can only afford one person in school, b) Kitty is one semester away from her first bachelor's and c) a Master's is a good way for her to advance at work. So for the next three years or so our education budget is going to her.
But I wasn't talking actual school anyway. School looms right up there with Christmas and Wedding in the land of Shit I Regret And Blame My Family For, it tends to come around every so often and bug me for days on end. I missed something there. Something wasn't right. Something did not work. I skated through high school and college on a combination of excellent test taking skills, work experience and bullshit. No, really, one time I accidentally wrote a Shakespearean essay about the romance novel I'd been reading the night before and I not only got an A the professor read it out loud as an example of an excellent essay form. Because Sr. Rosine taught us the three paragraph essay form in the third grade and it makes everything look better, I don't know.
So something was not working then and now, with the distance of memory and lots and lots of therapy I know what it was. I lacked study skills and I lacked time management skills.
First off, study skills. As they say on this informative web site:
Students believe that studying and doing homework are the same thing. However, they should be approached as two very distinct, separate tasks. Homework commonly consists of assignments that instructors assign to be completed at home by students. The general purpose of homework assignments is to reinforce the knowledge that you learn in the classroom. These assignments allow for extra practice, so that you can refine your skills and knowledge in a particular area.
Studying, on the other hand, refers to the time students spend on their own to go over material they learned in class. Many students think of studying as what they do to prepare for an exam; however, it is best to set aside regular time to study to be sure you understand all the concepts you are learning in class so you do not fall behind. Studying includes making flashcards, taking detailed notes, making outlines, and reading.
Nobody ever told me any of that. No, really, I learned that today.
Part of the problem is that I went to parochial school from K to 8, meaning right through junior high. I know now that part of what we were supposed to do in junior high was transition from homework to studying but because my school was continuous and taught by untrained instructors chosen for their religious background they didn't know that and just had us doing homework. And because no one in my family had ever been to college or even through a college prep program no one there knew either. (Mom was on the trade school track in high school. Cosmetology. She learned to be a banker through on-the-job training.). And everyone in my high school figured someone else must have taught me somewhere along the line.
So everyone said to "study" and I had no clue. I read the textbooks, attempted to take notes in class but never knew what to do with them, and faked it as best I could. I skated.
As for time management, even if I had known how to study I wouldn't have had time. I watched a YouTube video today of this really sweet girl in high school talking about her after school routine.
To sum up:
3:30-5:30 - Cross-country practice
5:30-6:30 - Snack, shower, rest, organize class notes
6:30-7:00 - Dinner
7:00-9:00 - Study
9:00-10:00 - Free time to pursue own interests
10:00 - Bed
I'm honestly kind of shocked. My routine went something like this:
3:30-5:30 - Theater rehearsal
5:30-6:30 - Cook dinner
6:30 - 7:00 - Dinner
7:00 - 7:30 - Clean kitchen
7:30 - 8:00 - Help Grandfather with his mail and meds
8:00-11:00 - "Family Time"/watch TV (yes, we all had to watch TV together.)
11:00 - Bed
The reason why I didn't work at home was because my stepfather, Ex #2, did not allow reading in the house. Reading was selfish and self-centered and useless, and just reminded him of his ex wife and was rubbing in his illiteracy. So I did what I could at school and left my books there, for fear he would hit me for reading in front of him. He did that to his other kids. Even when I was in my room he'd shout down the heavens until Mom had me put my books away and come out.
So to keep him calm and placid we all sat in the living room for three hours a night and watched TV together. No books, no knitting, no talking. Just silently watching TV.
So if you figure five nights of work a week times two hours of studying that's 10 hours I didn't have to work with. Even if I had known what I was doing I still would have been behind. But if I had known perhaps I wouldn't have been as behind.
So through the magic that is the internet maybe I'll get to actually learn how to study now. Maybe I can figure out this take notes thing and read more. Maybe I can prove to myself that I actually can do it.
And maybe in a few years I'll prove to myself that I can do college too.